I attended treatment here in hopes of finding a calm, peaceful, professional, soothing environment in which I could find a true spiritual awakening and make progress in my recovery…
My first day at the clinic involved witnessing violent outbursts of racial and “gang-banger ” activity. Lots of screaming. I felt like I was back in jail. Every other day there was constant screaming and yelling,
obnoxious loud music… Speaking of music, I was told I couldn’t have my mp3 player because “it effects people in different ways and we don’t want to trigger old behaviors or memories…
” Yet every van ride (filthy, broken, duck taped broken Windows, crowded) consisted of having either screaming rock music, drug dealing rap, and a variety of other stations turned up to the max volume. Every van ride was dreadful (there’s 4-5 every day.)
So a typical Monday usually consisted of either the males or the females fighting. Everyone just gathering around to watch as if we were in grade school. I can not attest to any sort of punishment, I just don’t know. I do know that no one was asked to leave with one exception. But that individual was back within hours.
Any time you try to express concern and say “i really don’t wanna be in this environment anymore,” you are told that “this is real life. There is always going to be people that don’t get along..
” I’m sorry, but I’ve only seen these situations (threats of one client trying to stab another client in which someone actually went to go get the knife and do it) I’ve only seen this stuff in jail. If this is they’re mantra, then they are trying to get you used to living on the streets, staying in your gang, keep your old friends.
As long as you take deep breaths and walk away, sure, yeah, you don’t have to see or be involved with some sort of street fight our gang banging shoot off… Wouldn’t you rather go some where that tries to plant the seed in your head that it’s ok to cut ties with couldn’t people? Try to work I’m a professional atmosphere? Cut all ties to bad acquaintances?
Needless to say, none of this fostered a feeling of hope and serenity. The worst part is, if you try to explain how you feel about it and try to tell them that you just don’t feel comfortable and that this isn’t the right place for you,
they try to guilt trip you, talk down to you, make you feel like “if you don’t stay here, you’re going to relapse and die…” I haven’t used illegal drugs in over 2 years. I went there because I wanted to taper off my subutex,
I wanted insight and help with my relationship, I wanted the help from real professionals. I honestly just hid out in my room just so I could write in my journal, work on reading the big book, work my steps.
I did the homework I was assigned. I felt like those were beneficial, but I just got tired of being on edge. You get there and if you’re not the confrontational type, keep your head down,
don’t piss anyone off (otherwise the tantrums start… Everyone starts acting like 2nd graders and starts talking on each other for petty things in hopes to just get someone written up) and watch your mouth…
You never know if you’re gonna actually wake up the next day. If you have been to prison and jails and institutions and you’re super comfortable with those environments; this is the place foryou!
I had to cut out a lot because text limits. I put screenshots of the rest of the info in the pictures.